fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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