Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize