took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
