I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize