Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
