I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
