i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
