Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
