The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
