He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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