Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
