btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
