We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
