we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize