Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
