my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
