dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
