She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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