I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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