Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
