My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
