if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
