I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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