I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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