And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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