I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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