in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
