let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
