I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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