Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
