she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
