It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
