dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
