his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
