Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
