Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
