please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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