Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
