My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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