This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
