Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
