wakey wakey hands off snakey
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
