so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
