you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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