He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
