while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
