I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
