listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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