I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
