she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
