And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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