New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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