I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
