I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You left your phone here
Wait...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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