4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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