that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
