Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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