You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
