he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dignity is for republicans.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
