im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
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