I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
