Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
