Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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