If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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