Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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