Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
