Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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