evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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