We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
