man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
