You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
