The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
