I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
