i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
