It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's never too late to be topless.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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