I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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