I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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